Kittiara さんのプロフィールKittiara's Chateauフォトブログリストその他  |  ツール ヘルプ |
|
8月10日 Polly put the kettle onNow theres a fine lady upon a white horse how did she turn tail, and take her life down that course She had a life full with love and laughter Till along came that spider which sat down beside her Humpty dumpty don't swing on that wall Oh Humpty Dumpty I knew you would fall With rusted bells and fallen rings they cant help,those horsemen of kings And what of your garden of silverbells cockleshells and violets all in a row starving and wilted, barren of colour now nothing at all will grow Those 3 bags of wool didnt last very long... now what can you do to keep yourself warm Your old mother hupboard with nil in your cupboard shivering and sick you best get up quick and go fetch that juicy bone Here we go round the mullberry bush , is there no one in town with smack around? a tissue a tissue gain you've fallen down How to build you up again, up again up again how to build you up again my fair lady with needles and tracks needles and tracks but needles and tracks bend and break and leave you broken and crying What about that woman whved in a shoe run to her she'll know what to do O poormisspeep I see you've lost more than your sheep I'm afaraid only you can find them You lost on two for joy and have one for sorrow time for bed lets hope for tomorrow 4月4日 Yet another tragic love story
Thou dost feel great love for thee O how dear fortuna mocks me Thy sweet prince is not mine Tis with ache I'm not his entwined Methinks at night of his caresses Ohow precious, his sweet kisses Forsee I through delphinius eye The future holds only sad goodbyes but thou doth want an everlasting time O dost thee hath feelings akin to mine Tis my heart I hath bared for him to take O foolish is love for I know it shall break Lust watched dost not lead to sorrow and twas lust alone I was to hath Curse the menacing cupids arrow whos luck and blow sent it on this path. AchooFebuary 16
Watery eyes, rhinorrhea, inflamed pharynx, sneezing and an intermittent cough. I do believe I am suffering the wonderful effects of a normal everyday upper respiratory tract infection. It has been just on a year now that I have not suffered from the common cold. The symptoms however, all too familiar! I remember so vividly one morning last year when I woke up with the same complaints as I have today and in my semi conscience state I thought I had a cold.... for that short moment in the realm of unconsciousness I was a free person until I woke more and realized the cruel reality of my addiction. I had almost forgotten the freedom of being normal and having "just a cold". I wondered If I would ever have that luxury in living again. It has taken 53 days for my body to recover enough that it can now get sick. I know to most people having a cold is a compliant and something to be avoided. But for me today as odd as it may be it signifies a freedom I thought I would never have the chance to enjoy again. A happy sniffler 2月14日 If All The Worlds A Stage .. I want to be operating the trap door....After 10 years +10 and 10 again I am still at a loss as to why it is the people I want in my life are so far away and yet the ones I could do without keep chasing me. I have finally resolved myself to the fact that love is the worst of all the human emotions. It leads you blind into the realms of delusion where you live out each day as though you have no care in the world and everything is beautiful and happiness is the stem of all your endeavors. Then slowly reality creeps in and as much as one may try to hold on to the cliff face eventually the pains of holding on seem more painful then the prospect of letting go.. Then you fall down the rock face being battered and bruised with every slip to eventuate as a mangled and tortured pathetic heap of misery. Left to gaze up at those fortunate enough to have built there castles from up where you just fell. It is at this point one is able to see the bareness of there own reflection stripped of the flatteries which once clothed it in a shroud of fancy adornments. The cruelness of reality's picture too hard to view for long. Love now is just a near deathly pain which aches relentlessly throughout ones very soul, the pain of which usually too insurmountable to bear causes the fallen to search desperately for yet another delusion to shroud themselves once again so when they sight there own reflection they are not crippled by the true reflection of the singularity of self Happy Valentines day! 1月17日 Seashore inspired playgentleness like a rippling shoreline, licking at your feet and lapping at your ankles.. my soothing calm waters tantilising and temptuous inviting you further in.
Now I have your cradled your naked body , the lulling rocking of my my waves has you surrender yourself to me. You feel safe in my mesmorising cool waters.
Your supplication excites me and my waves split white around you. the concern on your face only ignites more force and beforelong I can't help but throw you against the rocks.
Your flesh begs for the slapping and thrashing of my waves which smash aginst you, pinning your now red raw flesh against the rocks holding you as a captive to my whims.
I play and tease and toy with your mind whilst your body suffers with the non relenting and merciless pounding of my excitment.
Until I tire or your look begins to bore me.
At which point like all pathetic and worthless debris I dump you at the shoreline from which you came and then receed back to myself lapping and licking... lapping and licking..... 10月24日 Another Lazy DayAnd here lies the passing of yet another day. Its birth a revelry of sun light reaching out from the horizon, the expansive rays saturating everything in their path with radiant warmth and brightness. Equal in beauty was its parting, which filled the skies with a brilliant array of colour, followed by the glittering blanket of night. Such a specular work of art for one to live out and enjoy...
The in-between of perfection being in my control, shamefully bears no merit to speak of. It lies sadly with a growing pile of wasted days. Each one possessing all that would be necessary to become a personally fulfilling and a worthy contribution to society, each one instead falling into the wastelands of failed potential.
10月5日 My response to Miss Fleis and the 10 commandmentsPersonally I find it difficult not to question the motives behind any agency or private escort who deems it necessary to derogate all other services in the field. Aside from the offence taken personally by her pernicious generalisations' on private escorts I am genuinely appalled that a person working within this field, regardless of in what capacity, could in any way lend credence to inimical stereotypical views designed purely to provoke disrespect and disparagement for this industry. I can't help but stand nothing short of bewildered after having read through the tirade of self conceited pomposity throughout the Miss Fliess website. How could someone so indignant about private escorts then contact me a private escort via my advertisement offering me employment with her self professed elitist agency? To be honest I am undecided on whether I should be simply amused or if I should be imparting some degree of sympathy. I certainly appreciate that different service providers cater to differing clientele etc. However, just to touch base with reality for a moment. The almost prudish attitude Ms Reily is adopting in regards to the "elite, discerning, wealthy, yadda, yadda, yadda clientele" of miss Fliess would have one believing that our more affluent gentlemen are somehow devoid or immune from having one of those overwhelming desires, which inflamed by the constraints of the clock, fuelled by raw and animalistic intent, finally explodes into one of the most intense and heated, sexual encounters, the mind blowing impact mostly due to the surprisingly short period in which the whole engagement took place. How sad for the upper echelons of our society not to ever have such an experience….. I have tried to refrain from over doing the criticism of the repugnant nouveau riche attitudes of Ms Reily, but please appreciate it has been quite a difficult task considering she provided so much to work with. # EqualityEquality the foundation of utopia... The beginings of which I personally think start with the acceptance of ones own faults in character. Not only accepting these failings but acknowledging our flaws with the same esteem we do our admirable and likable traits, as they all hold as much importance as each other in defining the unique individuals we are. Once we treat ourselves with the graciousness of being human with all the differences and faults that entails, then it is not such a leap to extend the same graciousness to our fellow kindred. The need for belittling one another to boast our own esteem, only exposes shame for our own miscomings. My life bears no more importance on this world than any other organism. The fact others have placed on me love care and value is a gratuitous gift and thus I try to live my life by giving the same kindness to others. 9月28日 Sing ho for the life of a bear......And so once again I find myself sitting in bed with my laptop, fingers blanketing the keys and my eyes -when open - staring into the light of the screen. Less than 10 minuites previous I was filled with motivation and enthusiam to write anthor blog. All set and ready to type then…. I don’t know where to begin, do I fill in the time which has elpased since my last entry? Do I skip that and just enter in ther current days events, exactly how much do I reveal? and so forth,,,,, these thoughts not only leave me sitting here in this vague realm devoid of motion and but also more often than not have me idling away my time with not even a sentence produced. So I have decided I will just write just as I have now done so I at the very least I have some words on the screeen to account for my time.
.So many events have taken place since my last entry. Many of them worthy to be weaved into another textual patch in my life tapestry. But not now … night night.. 6月3日 "Will you come into my parlour?" Said the spider to the fly.hmm Well having read over my last entry Im not sure if I should be feeling pleased with my candid honesty or not.. I guess one thing the entry does is firmy establish that drugs abduct ones sanity of mind. Not that I would deny my failings in character but to advertise them to everyone is not something I am wholly comfortable with either.
On somelevel I hope that by keeping a record of these experiences will help not only myself byut hopefully anybody else who may read it and is thinking abopuit making the terrible choices that io have.
I have been using herion for just over 6 weeks now, and I have been trying to stop using it for just over 5. I have had 3 serious attempts 1 as an inpatient and 2 times at home. Never before in my life have I put my mind to something and failed, never.
I have never been much fo the whole evil label however one would be hard pressed to find a more befitting character than herion.
Like a scene out of one of the Grijms fairytales... The weak and helpless- Societies orphans walking weary and without destination down one of lifes many sadden lost roads. Then she appears the ulitmate beauty complete with alluring harasmaitic charms promising happiness and contentment to the grieved and unsettled, her welcoming arms giving warmth and comfort, her soothing presence offering peace and calm to the troubled and worried mind. The fallen wreckages have no defence agianst her lying helpless before this overwhelming etherial being no longer can they see their society home back down the path they have trodden it is justa distant blur and so they succumb and without any delay they are stripped of life and become her mindlessslaves, reliinquishing their free will to her most uncompassionate and treachours claws. The euphoric rush is near indescriptive, the pleasure far beyond the scope of ourt meager language. But equal to the pleasure is her destruction. As I detailed in my last quilling it is without exception each morning more often than not even before my eyes have lifted to the light of day I have thoughts of her incessent non relenting screamoing deamnding thoughts for herion.... I cannot helkp but feel greif for my own condirtion when i compare this to every other morning I have had true fortune to excperience over the past 5 years... Every morning my first thought has always been without fail of my son.. always.. till now. How anything could encroach upon somehting so sacred and trreasured... Thyere is no greater a soul destroying evil than that which intrudes into the precious sancturary nos a motherf and childs bond..
Cri du chat.....Overall it was a pretty average kind of day. It started like so many other days I have endured over the past 2 months with exhausting and painful aches throughout my body my ams swollen with fliud rendering them almost completely incapble of any fine motor acivity. The waves of cold chills flowing from head to toe every few minutes each one leaving a trail of perspiration in its wake. The mind incapable of all but one thought "Herion" My bed once again has served as a place for me to maraniate in my bodys betrayal of self, the bedsheets are wet through and cling to me as I crawl oput from under them. Cursing myself for not preparing my mornings dose the night before. I stumble to the draw and fumble around getting a spoon some cotton a pick a lighter and fuck it no more sterile water left.. the kettledown stairs the exertion needed to carry outthat task far beyond the cpacity of my body in that state, not to mention the time involved which wiuld delay me even further. Opting instead to risk a dirty hit and use tap water from the upstairs bathroom. My fingers do their best to key in the numbers to the safe it takes 3 goes but a success nonetheless. The door opens and there lying within it is my relief to this physical and mental angiush. I stand as a slave beaten into submission before the foul soul destroying mud which has made me barren of any dignity or self respect. Picked up and cradled with an almost motherly care and then carefully placed onto the spoon. The battle to remain still not to spill it incresing with difficulty with every coold chill. As the mix heats and disdolves it fuels my anticipation my heart starts beating faster my thoughts exciting my body with flashes of past hts the excitment peaking as the tornaque wraps around my body knows full what t to happen my figers swollen working as fast as possible to get it in. the cool steel slips under my skin with such a familiar ease before any visiual conformation I know I am in, the act so often repeated making me well experienced and acutely aware of the slighest of feelings beneath the skin. A short pull on the pick and Bingo! Thick dark red blood swirls in and fills the pick up a little more. The tornaqyue recoils with snap at its release and the liquid of nothngness is without need pushed into the rushing current becoming one with life blood as it surges throught out the body Whack! brain is hit ... sounds die out... a euphoric numbness envelopes me, the aches and pains shakes and chills long gone, my eyelids enjoying the challenge they now have in opening and the complete ease in wich they fall to a close, the racing heart and panting breath have also become willing victims each breath a long and timely event which synchronises perfectly with the wholly relaxed beat of the heart. I hae once again surrenderred to her and lie defeated in this euphoric paralysis.... acher My futile struggle ceases and with that her deathly grip eases a tear or two have left their saltly trail down my cheek each drop holding recollections of who I once was .... 5月19日 A kitti's pen playOne would have assumed the quilling of ones day would come with a natural ease to someone such as myself who acts as an axis from which the world revolves around. However suprisingly enough purging the days content out in textual display for the perusal of others is not as simple a task as I had thought it to be.
Today would have to be the best day to begin my blog, there was not a great deal of social intreraction or any major events to talk of making it a perfect kindergarten blog day.
The best part of the day was spent in slumberland, a place I often avoid going to, probably due to the fact I find it an unusully difficult place to get to, however once there an almost impossible place to leave. Nevertheless I departed its shores and made my way back to the conscious realm around midday, accompanied by my two lovable and faithful travel companions: Sebastian (toy poodle) and Ody (Bengal cat).
After pottering around the house with a cup of coffee I carried out the daily hello's with the aid of phone and pc.. the perfect mediums for the socially lazy..
*sigh.. anyways the day progessed into night and though i was about to curl up under the blankets with a book the powers that be have decided against it and I am now going out and best be getting out of my fluffy boots and lacey pink slip and into a more suitable attire..
adieu...... |
|
|
